My Life
by I Want To Love You. Let Me
Summary: Lilly POV: I know better than to fall for a straight girl. It's the first rule. But something about her just... draws me to her! I- I think I'm in love with her... Don't you know what you do to me Miley? AU with girl love, don't like it, don't click it.
1. Introduction to me

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**A/N: This is my first fanfic for Liley and it's partly based off of my own experiences and while i know it will seem like a long time before there is actual Liley action, please be patient. This will be in Lilly's POV and Miley won't be introduced for a while. Reviews are very much appreciated.**

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'I hate my crayons.' I think that's the best memory I have of first grade. My mom had gotten me the cheap kind of crayons, this kind that didn't color as nicely as they should. Whenever my class needed to color something and everyone would pull out their own box, I would move stuff around in my desk pertending to look for them when all I did was shove them further back. Then I'd raise my hand and lie, "I forgot my crayons Ms. Andrews, can I use yours?" Ms. Andrews was the best teacher ever and had Crayola crayons, the really nice ones.

It was in first grade that I had my first crush. Her name was Kelly. I was 7 years old and didn't know it was "wrong" to like other girls. She had blonde hair and blue eyes like me but her hair was sooo much shinier than mine and I was a little jealous of it. She was really cute... As far as I knew. I made a fool of myself trying to tell her that I liked her. I'd told her to meet me at the top of the big slide on the playground. At recess I immediately went up there and waited... and waited... Kelly never came. I watched the other kids play but I stood there. Eventually I got bored and tried sticking my knees through the metal bars of the play-structure. Bad idea. They got stuck. Ms. Andrews had to come and help me out of them and then she carried me to the nurse's office while I cried.

Not long after that my mom took me out of school. Said she felt it would be best for me to be homeschooled. "Well what did your dad say?" you're asking? Heh, I don't have a dad. It's just me and my mom Heather. No, there's no sob story that I can tell you. He didn't die in an accident, wasn't a drunk or anything like that. In fact, I don't know anything about him other than he disappeared after I was born. My mom tells me I have his eyes.

Several years came and went. We were having money problems so my mom practically shoved me back into the public school system. I say shoved because I didn't want to go back.

"Momma, please, I don't wanna go!" I remember saying through my tears.

"I'm sorry Lilly-pad, but you need to go so I can find a job. Don't you want to make new friends?" she had said.

"No! I want to stay with you and Mr. Bunnie!" Mr. Bunnie was a small stufed rabbit that I'd affectionately named Bunnie S. S. Truscott. (The S.S. stood for Super Smart). At 11 I was very attached to home and my mom.

I went anyway and after a year of public school met Oliver Oken. I laugh when I think of how we met. He was new to the town and was trying to be "cool". He failed. Miserably. When Oliver started school, he tried hitting on me. At first I was smitten with how much attention he gave me (I blame being 12 as well) but eventually realized that I had no real feelings for him. He said he understood when I told him and backed off. We've been best friends since... Until of course I told him that I was interested in girls. I don't think he looked at me the same. He ... wasn't alright...

* * *

For as long as I can remember I've played sports. I'm just a natural for games I guess. Competitive nature helps too, haha...

Basketball was my first sport as well as my first love. I wanted to be in the WNBA when I grew up. I think I might still have that desire down there somewhere. DEEP down. I played as much as I could on the "just for fun" league that my church set up. I showed up every year to play for 9 years straight. Then I got too old for the league. At 14. I took a year off and then joined my high school team my freshman year. I guess I wanted the team to be all.. I dunno, buddy buddy? It wasn't. It was so clique-ish that I wanted to throw up. But I made friends with a few girls that weren't stuck up bitches... That's how I became friends with Mikayla. She was on JV and Varsity when I was only on JV, even though she was just a freshman like me. She was pretty good too. Great ball handler so she was point for JV. We had the same sense of humor, not to mention we both lived in a ghetto. I made jabs at her for her Mexican background (all in fun of course) and looks but secretly, I was jealous. She had incredibly great looks. Her 'slightly past shoulder length' dark hair was silky and she always had a tan no matter what. Me, I had blonde hair that never did what I wanted except when it was in a ponytail, and was white until summer.

Volleyball came after basketball. I saw a flyer for a camp and decided that I could see if it was worth my time or not. I went the whole 5 days that it was held and it turned out that I was a natural setter. I tried out and made the team quite easily. There weren't very many girls interested in the team apparently. At least these girls weren't bitchy like the basketball girls. We were more like a family on the team. JV and Varsity were pretty close even though we practiced at different times. My best friend on the team was Haley. She was definitely white, never could hold a tan, had dark hair and looked like that girl who plays Susan in those Narnia movies. Haley considered herself a optimistic pessimist; always looking at things thinking they'll go wrong but holding a little bit optimism in her opinions. Personally, I found it hilarious. We laughed at each others jokes and saw eye to eye on most things, so I was cool with her.

* * *

My sports kept me alive. That and music. Along with those few people that I created emotional bonds to. I literally CAN'T cut those, even though I don't make them often. I'd like to think that I'm one of the select that can actually go without having friends. But when I let a person take a part of my heart, I don't usually get it back. I try my best to not get romantically involved with anyone because the last time I did, even when I faked it, I got hurt. Call me a coward, but I'm afraid of rejection. I think that bites me in the ass alot, considering.

But nonetheless, I'm Lilly Truscott. And this is the story of how my life blew up in my face, said sorry, and then tempted me in ways unbelievable.


	2. I screwed up

**A/N: Hello again! I'm quite pleased with the reviews that I've gotten so far, and I hope that this chapter lives up to your expectations. Please enjoy :)**

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_'Bzzt, bzzt' _"Check yes Juliet are you with me? Rain is falling..."

My phone's alarm started going off, We the Kings began playing one of my favorite songs, "Check Yes Juliet". Still half alseep, I sat up somewhat tangled in my covers and crawled to the end of my bed with my eyes closed, reached through the bars of the frame to the floor where I kept my phone on it's charger.

"Good morning sleepy head!" My mom burst through my door and opened my curtains.

"Mooo-ooom! I keep those closed for a reason!" I winced as ultra-bright sunlight pour through the uncovered window. My room only had one window and I kept my curtains down all the time, effectively making my room the darkest in the house. Just the way I like it. _'She is waayy too perky for this hour...'_ I thought to myself as she finally left my room to find something, leaving my door open. I got up to close it and heard my mother begin singing. _'Sometimes, I swear we aren't related...'_ I sighed.

*SLAM*

I closed my locker door after grabbing my algebra books and was greeted by Oliver's grining face.

"What do you want donut?" I asked, playfully calling him by the nickname I'd given him, "Oooh, that makes me want a donut..." I absentmindedly thought aloud while turning to walk to my class.

"Heeyy, anytime you say, I'm all yours!" He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively at me.

"Eeww, Oliver! I thought we settled this you having a crush on me thing," I said turning a corner.

Oliver struggled to keep up with my pace. "Maybe you did, but- but I haven't... I still- I still-"

"Still what?" I stopped abruptly and turned to face him. I hadn't realized how closely he was following me and stepped backwards to avoid him falling over me.

"Lilly, I still love you!" He blurted out.

Stunned, I took another step backwards. He followed and reached for my hand hanging by my side but I jerked it away.

"No. No, you can't love me; we're fourteen, you can't say you love me. You don't know what it means!" I pulled away from him and began rasing my voice when he started protesting.

"I do know what it means!" He stepped towards me again.

"No you don't!" I shrieked, not caring that people were starting to stare at us. I turned and ran from him. _'To hell with algebra, nobody'll miss me anyway,' _I thought as I ran to the school exit. _'Plus, it's my last class. I'll just- just call it an early out...'_

**.:xXx:.**

As soon as I got home I got on my computer. My mom wasn't home yet so I could do what I wanted. But what I wanted right now was for my life to be simple, to not have my best friend in love with me.

I logged into my instant messenger and noticed somebody had added me. I read the name and realized it was a girl that I had homeroom with. I accepted and almost instantly she sent me a message.

**Beth_D: hey**

**lilz4u: whats up?**

**Beth_D: not much. hangin at the library before i go home.**

**lilz4u: awesome...**

**lilz4u: so how you been?**

**Beth_D: not good. i hate my life.**

**lilz4u: oh... sorry to hear that :(**

**Beth_D: yea...**

**Beth_D: can i tell you a secret**

I laughed at the irony here. Of course I can, I've been keeping one of my own for a looooong time.

**lilz4u: sure! i'm good at keepin em**

**Beth_D: i just figured out i'm bi**

My eyes widened. "_Okay, that's plain creepy."_ I thought to myself as I sat back in my chair. "_So... Do I tell her? I mean, it's not like it'll ruin things between us, we barely know each other..."_ I thought a moment more, debating myself before making a descision.

**lilz4u: that's cool.**

**Beth_D: yea, you're the first i told**

**lilz4u: then i'm honored.**

**lilz4u: guess what?**

**Beth_D: wat?**

**lilz4u: i am too**

There. I admitted to liking girls, I'd said it. Well, not literally, but typing that and sending it to someone was as close as it got to those feelings being truly acknowledged to someone other than myself. My God, if only I hadn't sent that. My mother was a total homophobe. She made me stop watching Ellen because she was a lesbian. My God-fearing mother ranted for over an hour after I'd turned the channel, telling me how homosexuality was a sin, that gays were going to hell. Since then, I didn't talk about my feelings to anyone but the pages in my diary.

**Beth_D: ever had a gf?**

**lilz4u: no**

**lilz4u: but there's a girl i know that i like. she's really amazing. her name's kylie.**

**Beth_D: cool**

Just then I heard the front door open and close. I glanced at the clock and noticed the time. "_Shit! I was on too long, Mom's gonna kill me if she finds this." _I instant messaged Beth_D telling her bye and closed the window as soon as my mom walked into the room.

"Heeeeeey Mom... How was work?" I asked, hoping she'd just go to her room. No such luck.

"Oh sweetie, it was work: tiring as usual. But I need to get on the computer and-" Beth_D IM'ed me back saying she'd talk to me later. "What's this?"

"Oh, um, it's nothing! I was just talking to somebody from school. That's all..." I tried to get at the mouse to close the box before she could read the previous messages, but she swatted my hand away.

"No no, I want to read it..." my mom said, pushing me out of my seat and clicking on the button _'see previous messages'._

_"Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck." _I thought to myself. _"There's no stopping her now. She's gonna find out..."_ Sighing, I went and sat on the couch to await my mother's wrath.

Several minutes went by. Those were the longest minutes of my life, I swear I felt my ears burning. Then I heard my mom speak. I swear, as long as live, I will never forget what she said:

"Are you trying to ruin you life, Lillian?"

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**A/N: Weeeeelll? I did my best at somewhat of a cliffer... See that little button down there? The one that says "review"? Yeah, click that one and tell me what you think, please, tell me if it needs more depth or life to the characters or just flames.**

**And those words there, the ones saying "are you trying to ruin your life?" Yeah that and the IM conversation actually happened. So if you think this is boring, blame my life, because that's where the inspiration is coming from. My life and what I want it to turn out to be, y'know?**

**Anyway, I won't keep you waiting for the next chapter, I've already written it. It's just a matter of finding time where I can type it out.**

**Until next time.**


	3. Chapter 3

Lady Luck is not a lady; she is a guy, because right now, luck is being a prick.

My mom, firm believer that homosexuality is a sin, just found out that I like girls the same as boys, and that I have a major crush on a girl.

"Lilly," she begins slowly, repeating what she had just said, "Are you really trying to ruin your life?"

"NO, Mom, I—" I begin, but she interrupts.

"People who are gay don't have good lives, Lilly," she says, and I can tell she's upset because her face is flushing. "The gay people I know have only ended up with heartbreak and sorrow. I don't want that for you, Lilly."

"I know, Mom, but I—"

"No, don't talk to me!" she says, getting up and walking towards her room, "I—I need to think for a while. Watch tv, but do not get bhack on the computer," and she disappears into the darkness of the hallway towards her room.

'_Figures'_ I huff as I grab the remote on the coffee table and plop onto the couch. _'Finds out and tells me not to get on the computer…'_

'_Wait—my mom knows some gay people?'_

After a while of channel surfing, I hear my mom call me to her room, to "talk" I presume about my… "condition"…

"Yes ma'am?" God knows my momma taught e to be polite but didn't teach me not to like the same gender.

I entered her room and saw her sitting on the edge of her bed. I walked over and stood awkwardly in front of her, about arm's length away.

"How long have you—have you had these _feelings_?" She gestures in a circular motion as the says the word, like it'll make them dissipate like smoke.

"You mean…" I hesitantly begin, "You mean, how long have I liked girls?" I inwardly cringed at having to speak to my mother about this.

"Yes, and for… Kylie…" My mother says her name like she's a disease.

"I've liked her for a while now…" I mumble, my eyes downcast.

"Have you told her about this?"

My now widened eyes snap up to meet her own hard ones. "What—No! I'd never—no, no, I haven't."

"Good," she breathes out and sits back slightly.

I take a deep breath. "Mom, for as long as I can remember, I've been this way. It doesn't feel wrong to me." I'm hoping that maybe, just maybe she'll accept me, and that maybe—

"Lilly, those feelings ARE wrong, and you need to pray and ask God to forgive you!" My mother's voices hardens dramatically as she begins to tell me about the "sinfulness" of homosexuality. I turn numb as I stand there. I blankly nod and "agree" with her. I found it to be the easiest way to deal when she starts lecturing. Maybe I'm a coward for backing down, for not standing up for what I feel, but right now, I just want to end the tension and make things go back the way they were. I want to be a little girl again, and be able to run away from the world to my mother's safe arms. But now—my mother is against me. There is no safety in her arms.

She's saying something about renouncing the claim I made about my sexuality, and I nod and say "yes ma'am"; about praying and asking forgiveness: nod, "yes ma'am"; about not telling people about this: nod, "yes ma'am"; about how I can never let myself feel this way again: nod, "yes ma'am".

She pulls me into a hug and tells me she'll love me no matter what. _'Funny,'_ I think to myself, _'It didn't feel that way while you were telling me that I'm not natural.'_

I just nod into her embrace.

.:xXx:.

One month later, and I've learned to be exceedingly careful about what I say in my text messages. My mother takes my phone at random times now, to "check out what's up" she says. I know it's to make sure I'm not back-sliding.

At first I was worried that Beth_D might have told people at school about me. Rumors like that spread like wildfire, and God knows I didn't need any teasing, or worse, bullying, from a closed-minded jerk. But, I guess she understood the… importance of being careful with information like this. I hoped for the best, and so far it worked.

Oliver was as annoying as ever, hot on my heels for a date. It was getting harder to say no, because, gosh darn it, he's so stubborn! He didn't understand, and while I don't blame him for that, I was pretty clear how I felt about him.

Finally, my mom was letting back on the internet. It's not like she could've kept me off of the computer forever, since I needed to use it for school. But being my dumb, fourteen year old self, I slipped up once more and made my second big mistake.

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**A/N:** Sorry you guys. I've been away for good reasons; do forgive me. I hope these chapters appease you.


	4. Chapter 4

I was surfing the web one night, doing some research for a project and keeping an eye on my email (1) that I had opened in another tab. I clicked a link and switched over to my email while I waited for it to load.

'_One New Email'_ it read.

My eyebrows raised as I read that it was from Oliver, but… there was no subject.

'_What now?'_ I thought as I opened it. My jaw hung slack at the few words written there.

They read: "I know this is incomparable to the real thing, but would you please accept this heart as mine?" followed by a ridiculous picture of a sparkly heart.

"My God, he's lost it…" I whispered to myself as I hit reply, glancing up and over the monitor at my mother on the couch. She was nearly asleep watching tv. Biting my lip, I began to type.

_From: Lilly_

_To: Ollie_

_Subject: RE:[No Subject]_

_I'm sorry, Oliver, but I just can't do that. I love you like a beast friend, and that's all we'll ever be._

_~Lilly_

Five minutes later I got another email.

_From: Ollie_

_To: Lilly_

_Subject: RE: [No Subject]_

_Why not? I love you with my whole being! I just want to be able to call you mine, to hold you in my arms. You are my BEST friend, and I want there to be more than that._

_From: Lilly_

_To: Ollie_

_Subject: RE:[No Subject]_

_Because, it doesn't work like that. I… My heart belongs to someone else, I can't give you mine in return even if I accepted yours. And IF I could give you mine, it wouldn't entirely be there; I'd be cheating you._

_~Lilly_

_From: Ollie_

_To: Lilly_

_Subject: RE: [No Subject]_

_Who are you so in love with that they leave you with a broken hear? If it's not God then I'll kill the guy! Who is he?_

I rested my hands on the keyboard and sat back in my chair. Taking a deep breath, I thought for a few moments before typing my reply.

Hitting 'send', I prayed I didn't do the wrong thing.

Ten minutes later, my phone vibrated with a new text message from (surprise, surprise) Oliver. I opened it and read: 'A girl? Really? Thats why u wont date me?'

Moving my thumbs across the buttons, pressing the right one a certain number of times, I typed out my response.

'Yes. That's why I didn't want to date u. Shes got my hear and wont give it back even tho she doesn't know she has it.'

Two minutes; vibrate, open, read.

'OK who is she?'

I narrowed my eyes at that. _'Why do you want to know?'_ I thought to myself. _'Better play it safe…'_

I typed out my reply and waited, deleting email while I did. I looked up and over at my mom, noticing she was snoring lightly. I tucked my cell between my thighs rather than in my pocket so I could get it to it easier.

I was finally getting relaxed and was actually working on my project when my phone vibrated, making me jump.

"Jesus…" I breathed, trying to calm my racing heart. "Getting nervous…"

I opened the message: 'Just wanna know what im up against. ;)'

I shuddered at the thought of Oliver trying to win me over. I flashed to Oliver kissing me and very nearly gagged.

'Shes a senior. Thats all im telling u.' I hit send and hoped he'd drop it.

I let out a shaky breath and went through my text inbox and sent box, deleting the entire conversation.

I ran a hand through my blonde hair, sighing as I thought about the girl Oliver so badly wanted to know about and who I so badly wanted.

Yeah. I'd lied to my mother about how I felt. I think I finally convinced her I was straight again, but I knew it would be a long time before she'd truly trust me again. I'm pretty sure, no, I know the only reason she let m back on the computer was because of school. I couldn't do my work without the internet, especially my projects.

'_My project! Oh, darn, I forgot about it!'_ I thought to myself, _'Mom'll get suspicious if I don't have any work done…'_

I flipped back to my search results and scanned a few links. I heard movement and stopped in my tracks, holding my breath. I looked cautiously at my mother over on the couch. She was just shifting positions.

Breathing a small sigh of relief, I grabbed the notebook and pen next to the computer and threw down some notes onto the paper. Determined to get some work done and actually accomplish something, I ignored the next vibration of my phone.

"_It'll wait."_ I told myself.

Fifteen minutes later I was satisfied with the amount of notes I'd gathered on ocean currents My project was to write a paper on how they effected the climates of the areas they're near.

I picked up my phone and opened the new text I'd received. 'OK cool' it read.

Riiiiiiight.

'Yea shes pretty awesome.' Easy answer, right? Nothing giving, just a statement. My mind conjured up pictures of Kyleigh. Brown hair with blonde highlights that always fell in the right place. Dancing hazel eyes that I felt like I could stare forever into. I sighed. My heart ached for her, but I couldn't have her. She was well established as a Christian. Goody two shoes, with an occasional crude joke, but never ever too far, just lightly insinuated things. I resigned myself to admire from afar; I did keep an eye out for anybody else that might grab my attention, but I kept comparing them to HER, and they just… never passed.

I was thinking of Joannie and wondering if there was any way I could pull off going out with her, just to rid my mind of Kyleigh, when my phone vibrated again.

My heart stopped when I read what Oliver sent me.

'U kno lilly, there is this thing called black mail…'

(1) This was much before I got Facebook. I feel like I just dated myself by saying that, despite the fact that I'm not even in college yet.


	5. Chapter 5

I woke up the next morning with a smile on my face. I'd had the best dream ever in my young life of fourteen years. I dreamt that Kyleigh had pinned me to a wall. Enough said there. In my beautiful dream-world my heart pounded as I stared into her smoldering eyes, flickering down to her mouth before looking back into her gaze. Then, grinding her hips against mine, she leaned forward and captured my lips, melting me in an instant.

It wasn't X-rated by any means, but oh! The weight of emotion in my heart and the feelings it garnered in my body were better than anything. Nothing could ruin the high of rememberance. Noth-

I gasped quietly to myself, pressing the side of my face into the soft material of my pillow, as the events of the previous night came flooding back.

'There is a thing called black mail,' Oliver had texted me.

I swear, I never thought he'd go to such… low levels!

'What do u want?' my reply had been. Moments later I felt the familiar vibrations from my phone.

'I want u to date me, be my gf and love me.' I grimaced. Whatever little chance he had of maybe winning me over one day flew out the window, then and there. That's the moment hate began to grow in my heart for him.

'Or else…?' I asked. I needed to know the stakes of this 'game' I was to play.

'Or else I tell ur mom ur a lezzie'

Oh God.

My heart was in my throat as I typed out, 'OK, ill do it. But I swear ollie, ill hurt u for this eventually'

'Haha sure watev. Nite, ttyl baby'

I quickly went through my inbox and sent box, deleting the messages. I sat back in the computer chair and shifted my gaze to my mother, still sleeping on the couch, the occasional snores of deep sleep drifting from her mouth.

I sighed.

'_If Mom knew he was doing this, she'd whoop his ass. Hell, Oliver's mom would too!'_ I sniggered at the though. Oliver's mom was 4'10", the shortest woman I'd ever known. But, damn! That woman is scary!

I sighed again. _'Mom'll kill me if she knew why he was doing this though.'_

I logged off the computer and headed to my room. Sleep is what I needed right then.

I shook my head to clear the memories from last night. _'At least today is Saturday. I won't see him until Monday. I need to do something fun… something like…Beach! Yeah, that's it.'_

Oh the joy of living on the coast.

.:xXx:.

I breathed in the salty air and squinted in the blazing sunlight that seemed to reflect off of everything on the coast.

I started walking toward nowhere in particular, feeling the sand beneath y feet and keeping the water to my left. I found my thoughts drifting, and instead, I tried to focus them on the present.

It seemed as if my world had been put on a rollercoaster. I had it made in some pleaces: a mom that loced me, good grades, friends, sports. In others, I seem to fail: recognizing a bad choice, trusting the wrong person, becoming infatuated with an unattainable person.

That's the first rule of the unwritten but well understood rules for gay people. You're never ever supposed to fall for the straight person. It'll break your heart.

I smiled wryly. "Go figure," I spoke to absolutely no one. "Life has it out for you no matter what."

.:xXx:.

After a weekend of the beach and avoiding my phone (really just the people who could reach me on it), school was an odd place to come to. It was the beginning of February, so there were a few paper hearts on some classroom doors. There were couples practically everywhere, and it made me sick to my stomach.

'_I'm going to have to act… like that?'_ I angrily thought to myself. I turned the corner, and my locker was in sight.

Along with a certain brown-haired boy I had hoped to never see again leaning against it.

Oliver ran his hand through his hair and smiled as I neared. God, how I wanted to wipe that stupid grin from his face.

"Good morning, Lilly-pop," he greeted me.

"_Lilly-pop_?" I scoffed, "You expect me to answer to that?"

"Yeah," his voice lowers, "If you know what's best for you."

I swallow and feel the blood drain from my face. "Y-yeah, sure."

Oliver's face brightens as I exchange the book report in my hand for the world history book from my locker.

"I'll see you after class, Lilly-pop," he said cheerfully and kissed me on the cheek before walking away.

I stared after him incredulously and then vigorously wiped my cheek with my sleeve.

"Lilly's gonna pop you somethin' if you keep doin' that," I muttered darkly as I started to make my way to my history class.

.:xXx:.

I managed to avoid Oliver for the most part of the day. He had posted himself next to my lovker directly after each class, somehow beating me there everytime, so I would duck into the girls bathroom until he left to get to his own locker. As a result, I was nearly late to each class.

Lunch though, inevitably contained the germy boy.

"Hey babe!" he called as he flopped down into the free seat on my right.

I grunted in reply. My gaze didn't stray an inch from where I'd set it: on Kylie. Yes, I'm aware that I am a bit of a creeper. I sighed and looked down to my tray.

I poked my fork at the brown lump sitting on the plate. "What the heck is this?"

"Mea'oaf," Oliver answered through a mouthful of the stuff. He swallowed, and I cringed. "It's pretty good," he said decidedly.

Warily, I took a bite and nearly choked, but not because of the meatloaf. Oliver's left hand had clamped down on my thigh. Oliver continued eating.

"You care to move your hand?" I said in an annoyed voice.

"Nope. I like my hand where it is," he replied and took another bite of brown glop. He pointed to my tray with his fork. "You gonna eat that?" he mumbled through a full mouth.

I didn't even have to think about it. "No." I felt so sick to my stomach, I nearly gagged when I felt his hand, his stupid meaty hand, squeeze my thigh. He just grabbed my tray and slopped the food onto his own.

"How can you eat that?" I asked, momentarily forgetting my plans to avoid talking to Oliver. He kept shoveling forkfuls of it into his mouth. Did he have no taste buds or something?

Oliver just shrugged. "I have four easy steps. Put in mouth, chew, swallow, repeat. That's all."

"Uh-huh…" I nodded and looked away. I'd watched his sloppy way of eating too many times already.

All of the things he did before that I had found annoying, I now hated.


	6. Chapter 6

Three months. For three whole months, I'd had to be Oliver's girlfriend. It had confused my mother, I think, for me to go from refusing his advances to being his "one and only". I don't know what she thought. I sort of hoped she'd tell me that I was too young to date seriously or something, but I guess she thought I could make my own choices about boys (just not girls, of course). Little did she know, or anyone for that matter, that I had no choice in this…

After two weeks of Oliver being around me constantly, texting me all the time (calling me _baby_ for God's sake!), I just shut down. I stopped caring. My grades started dipping. I was almost failing algebra. The only subject I did well in was French. I loved that language so much.

It was near the end of May. My birthday had come and gone back at the end of April. I was now fifteen. I hoped that with my new age, better things would come to me. Oliver's birthday was only a few days before mine, a fact he was ever proud about.

As I was saying, it was near the end of May. School was about to let out for the summer, and I'd be through with my freshman year.

I was at homeon the computer, whih was not set up with the screen facing the licing room. It was just another "preventative measure" taken by my mother so I wouldn't do anything that—well—she didn't like.

My phone buzzed with a new text. I glanced at the screen. The display said it was from Oliver. I almost didn't open it… but then I figured I wouldn't have to respond if I didn't want to.

FROM OLIVER: hey can I call u? its important.

Puzzled, I typed out a quick 'yeah' before sending it.

Moments later, my phone started to vibrate, and the picture of Oliver's dumb smiling face appeared. I had been tempted to put something more… rude there instead, but careful is as careful does.

I answered, "Hey."

"H-hey.." came the reply.

"So um, what's up?" We didn't talk much on the phone like this, so saying I felt awkward was an understatement.

"Well… You know I think you're cool, right?" he asked. His voice sounded breathy, like he was nervous or something. I could almost see him wiping his sweaty paws—I mean, hands on his jeans.

"Yeah?" I answered tentatively.

"And that I would never want to hurt you, right?"

My mind screamed. _'Hah! Yeah, right, you—you—jerk!'_ Refraining from cussing in my own head was tough, but it lowered the risk of accidentally saying something out loud. I did that once. My friend thought I was telling her to sit.

"Yeah, I know that, Oliver. What are you trying to say here?" I was growing tired of this question/answer game.

"Well… You see…" I could almost hear the gears grinding in his head, even over the phone.

"Go on." I urged.

"Well… The guys at school—well, they're telling me I should go out with this one girl, and I kinda like her, but you know you're my girlfriend, so I thought I should tell you and all, and I was just kind of thinking that maybe we could, um, take a break." Oliver spoke what had to be the longest run-on sentence I'd ever heard.

Then my brain processed what he said.

Shock set in, and my eye were large and round, and—and—

I bounced in my chair gleefully and watched the screen saver on the computer: 3D pipes.

Then I composed myself and tried to drain the excitement from my voice. "You mean… You want to break up with me?"

"Well—yeah. So I'm not cheating on you with this other girl." The tone of his voice told me he was convinced that this is what chivalrous people did.

I sat back in my chair and fiddled with the hem of my shirt. Then I switched my phone to my other ear, because my cheek was getting sweaty.

Trying to sound thoughtful, I said, "Well… Okay."

"You're okay?" Oliver's shock seeped into his voice. "You mean, you're okay with this?"

"Yes, Oliver. I'm fine."

"Okay then. Good. I'll uh—talk to you later then."

"Bye." I hung up the phone and was still for a moment. Slowly, a grin spread across my face.

'_Yes, Oliver. I'm more than fine.'_

* * *

**A/N: **This will be the last update for a while. Bear with me.


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